Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. ...

- George Carlin

Brilliant.



Some more of his lines for your enjoyment -

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. (Hilarious)

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?