Back to my 3310.
And what I am telling everyone is that I might end up using it a couple of months too, cause my biggest problem with my phone before Jan of this year was that my phonebook was full after deleting numbers every week.
Now that my phone got lost and I am back to my Nokia 3310 with a new SIM card, I have no phone numbers lol so my previous problem doesn't exist anymore.
P.S. I hate that I can so easily afford to buy a new phone. The pinch of losing my (relatively new) mobile isn't hurting too much.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Stranger
There's a stranger in my life.
Song by Hillary Duff.
The song is pretty cool. I heard it on TV and liked it without understanding all the lyrics so came online and checked the lyrics out - quite nice mainly because they seem so real. 'There's no kindness in your eye', 'Your not the person I once knew', ' You made yourself look perfect in every way, So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed'.
Song by Hillary Duff.
The song is pretty cool. I heard it on TV and liked it without understanding all the lyrics so came online and checked the lyrics out - quite nice mainly because they seem so real. 'There's no kindness in your eye', 'Your not the person I once knew', ' You made yourself look perfect in every way, So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed'.
Nobody believes me when I tell them that you're out of your mind.
Nobody believes me when I tell them that there's so much you hide.
You treat me like a queen when we go out,
wanna show everyone what our love's about.
All wrapped up in me whenever there is a crowd,
But when no ones around;
There's no kindness in your eyes,
The way you look at me, it's just not right.
I can tell whats going on this time,
Theres a stranger in my life.
You're not the person that I once knew.
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do,
Then they would see a stranger too..
Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you?
Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?
You made yourself look perfect in every way,
So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed.
Your plan is working so you can just walk away,
Baby your secret's safe.
There's no kindness in your eyes,
The way you look at me, it's just not right.
I can tell whats going on this time,
Theres a stranger in my life.
You're not the person that I once knew.
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do,
Then they would see a stranger too..
Such a long way back, from this place that we are at.
When I think of all the time I've wasted, I could cry..
There's no kindness in your eyes,
The way you look at me, it's just not right.
I can tell whats going on this time,
Theres a stranger in my life.
You're not the person that I once knew.
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do,
Then they would see a stranger too..
There's no kindness in your eyes,
The way you look at me, it's just not right.
I can tell whats going on this time,
Theres a stranger in my life.
You're not the person i once knew.
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do,
Then they would see a stranger too.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Happy Independence Day
To be very honest, while I do say I love India and there is no country like it anywhere in the world, I wouldn't die for this country. I unfortunately am not that patriotic.
Also someone once said to me - 'It's not this country or the city you live in that you love so much, it's your life here. If you had to live somewhere else in this city, forget country, you would see things in a whole new light'. After some contemplation, I realise that the guy was absolutely right. I have so many privileges in my life. If some were taken away from me, I don't think I would love so many things I love right now.
Anyway I think one privilege we all take for granted is our independence. I do not say 'freedom' because freedom has a totally different connotation in my mind. No one can really be free but they can be independent. Living in a Democracy is a big thing. Sure we aren't in the day and age when the state would torture people, take away all their rights, take away their money and property but still being able to fall back upon the thought that we can topple governments collectively is a thought that gives comfort to a lot of us. It may never happen but we at least know we have the right.
Anyway enough of a rant which isn't even sounding good.
I always use to say what is the point of all these days. 'Independence Day' sure as hell doesn't remind me about our struggle for independence, our dead freedom fighters, our marches and our fasts, etc. I wasn't around. I also didn't see life before the independence so I wouldn't realize how much I should be grateful for it. But I still believe that days like this are important to 'celebrate' because we then spend a little time contemplation the struggle, contemplating what life must have been like before, contemplating about those who made sacrifices, etc. We never think about this stuff otherwise.
For me 'Independence Day' does have some significance. It wouldn't if Partition hadn't happened but it did and so much of my community (Sindhi) went through such a tough time. I have heard stories of how people who had tons of money had to come into India and live in refugee camps. Stories of how the 'muslim police' entered houses and threw people out in the middle of the night. Stories of how people feared their life and ran.
It wasn't all bad for everyone though and movie sometimes seem to exaggerate things. I know my granddad was in Pakistan till Jan-Feb of 1948 and lived to tell about it. I also know that the torture, murder, mayhem happened even to muslims in India very close to the new border or those trying to get into Pakistan.
I also end up wondering, especially on independence day, whether having a state is important or not. I see culture, values, tradition, language, etc of my community disappearing and it's sad. Sure I am not big for traditions and cultures but it's such a wrong way to loose them - just because we got scattered all over. Traditions etc should be sieved to take out all that is bad and retain all that is good. They shouldn't just disappear because people aren't practicing them collectively.
I don't speak Sindhi and am quite ashamed of it even though I may joke about it. I still am not clear if I am all for a one language, one culture world. I do see it's merits but we would loose a lot in the bargain. While being part of different communities segregates us, I think it also makes us feel unique and collective to some extent. It makes us feel that the others in the group are just like us. So we feel pride and shame when someone in the group feels the same. We have the same problems. Similar outlook. Similar attitude to certain things.
I don't this it is worth loosing all of this.
Also someone once said to me - 'It's not this country or the city you live in that you love so much, it's your life here. If you had to live somewhere else in this city, forget country, you would see things in a whole new light'. After some contemplation, I realise that the guy was absolutely right. I have so many privileges in my life. If some were taken away from me, I don't think I would love so many things I love right now.
Anyway I think one privilege we all take for granted is our independence. I do not say 'freedom' because freedom has a totally different connotation in my mind. No one can really be free but they can be independent. Living in a Democracy is a big thing. Sure we aren't in the day and age when the state would torture people, take away all their rights, take away their money and property but still being able to fall back upon the thought that we can topple governments collectively is a thought that gives comfort to a lot of us. It may never happen but we at least know we have the right.
Anyway enough of a rant which isn't even sounding good.
I always use to say what is the point of all these days. 'Independence Day' sure as hell doesn't remind me about our struggle for independence, our dead freedom fighters, our marches and our fasts, etc. I wasn't around. I also didn't see life before the independence so I wouldn't realize how much I should be grateful for it. But I still believe that days like this are important to 'celebrate' because we then spend a little time contemplation the struggle, contemplating what life must have been like before, contemplating about those who made sacrifices, etc. We never think about this stuff otherwise.
For me 'Independence Day' does have some significance. It wouldn't if Partition hadn't happened but it did and so much of my community (Sindhi) went through such a tough time. I have heard stories of how people who had tons of money had to come into India and live in refugee camps. Stories of how the 'muslim police' entered houses and threw people out in the middle of the night. Stories of how people feared their life and ran.
It wasn't all bad for everyone though and movie sometimes seem to exaggerate things. I know my granddad was in Pakistan till Jan-Feb of 1948 and lived to tell about it. I also know that the torture, murder, mayhem happened even to muslims in India very close to the new border or those trying to get into Pakistan.
I also end up wondering, especially on independence day, whether having a state is important or not. I see culture, values, tradition, language, etc of my community disappearing and it's sad. Sure I am not big for traditions and cultures but it's such a wrong way to loose them - just because we got scattered all over. Traditions etc should be sieved to take out all that is bad and retain all that is good. They shouldn't just disappear because people aren't practicing them collectively.
I don't speak Sindhi and am quite ashamed of it even though I may joke about it. I still am not clear if I am all for a one language, one culture world. I do see it's merits but we would loose a lot in the bargain. While being part of different communities segregates us, I think it also makes us feel unique and collective to some extent. It makes us feel that the others in the group are just like us. So we feel pride and shame when someone in the group feels the same. We have the same problems. Similar outlook. Similar attitude to certain things.
I don't this it is worth loosing all of this.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
So much to do...so much to do...
How many people truly reach their full potential?
Do you know your potential?
Or better still
Do you work to your full potential?
I have a bias but I honestly believe that if you say 'yes' and that too very quickly, you never understood the question.
I also don't believe that a 'yes' would ever be the right answer.
Do you know your potential?
Or better still
Do you work to your full potential?
I have a bias but I honestly believe that if you say 'yes' and that too very quickly, you never understood the question.
I also don't believe that a 'yes' would ever be the right answer.
What is the point?...
Don't remember now what the nick was about, but I do remember that I was pissed and also that I did want to blog about it.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
guilty coward...
Guilt...
I hate the feeling.
I also hate that I feel guilty for things I shouldn't, or things that other people wouldn't feel guilty about.
Most of my guilt stems from not acting when I should have. From not doing something when something needed to be done by those around.
Part of the 'not doing' stems from my aloofness and denial nature, fear and unfortunately also because of my upbringing.
Have always been taught to stay clear of any trouble. Of not to interfere unless I totally had to.
I unfortunately live this way. Just like so many other people to.
I also hate being such a coward. Fear is something I will never have a grip over I think.
Caught a bus to the station today after so many days of travelling in a cab. Nearly got to the stop when the bus driver braked very suddenly. Lot of people try to get off before the stop cause one entrance of the station is before the stop and people prefer getting into the station from there. Anyway apparently the driver didn't have an option cause a taxi suddenly reversed.
So this 50+ year old man who was standing right in the front, hit his head on the front glass of the bus and his head started bleeding. The driver and conductor told him to sit down on the first seat and cover his wound with a handkerchief. Few people were remaining in the bus. Maybe 7 including the conductor. Some people got off the back of the bus and some passed that uncle and got off. I didn't know what to do and since the bus had totally stopped I had to get off but I wanted to help the old man but I didn't want to get involved in it all. So all I did was that while getting off, I asked the man if he was alright (ya how bright is that). Told him that maybe he should go to a hospital and that there was a hospital close by. So he turned to the driver and told him in Marathi to get him till a hospital. I kept thinking maybe I should offer to go with the old man but then another million thought came into my head -
where would the money come from right away if he needed to be admitted (I didn't have enough cash on me nor are my parents in the city)?
which hospital would he have to be taken to?
would there be some amount he would be able to claim for his treatment?
would he have to file a police complaint?
would he have to take out scans since he hit his head?
How would I manage any running around if I had to?
and lots of other questions.
So all I did was turn to the driver (who at least looked stricken - by what I am not sure) and asked if they would see that the man got to a hospital, and the driver said yes they would. I walked away toward the station feeling like hell.
All I could do in the train was feel stricken too - sick to the core that I just walked away. The old man was alone. He definitely could have used some help even if he didn't explicitly need it.
I also couldn't help but think that if we don't help strangers out in their time of need, how can we expect strangers to help us when we need help and no one we know is around.
The worse part of all of this is, that if the same thing happened tomorrow, I think I would walk off again. I would still feel like shit but I wouldn't act.
I hate being a coward and I hate the guilt I feel.
I hate the feeling.
I also hate that I feel guilty for things I shouldn't, or things that other people wouldn't feel guilty about.
Most of my guilt stems from not acting when I should have. From not doing something when something needed to be done by those around.
Part of the 'not doing' stems from my aloofness and denial nature, fear and unfortunately also because of my upbringing.
Have always been taught to stay clear of any trouble. Of not to interfere unless I totally had to.
I unfortunately live this way. Just like so many other people to.
I also hate being such a coward. Fear is something I will never have a grip over I think.
Caught a bus to the station today after so many days of travelling in a cab. Nearly got to the stop when the bus driver braked very suddenly. Lot of people try to get off before the stop cause one entrance of the station is before the stop and people prefer getting into the station from there. Anyway apparently the driver didn't have an option cause a taxi suddenly reversed.
So this 50+ year old man who was standing right in the front, hit his head on the front glass of the bus and his head started bleeding. The driver and conductor told him to sit down on the first seat and cover his wound with a handkerchief. Few people were remaining in the bus. Maybe 7 including the conductor. Some people got off the back of the bus and some passed that uncle and got off. I didn't know what to do and since the bus had totally stopped I had to get off but I wanted to help the old man but I didn't want to get involved in it all. So all I did was that while getting off, I asked the man if he was alright (ya how bright is that). Told him that maybe he should go to a hospital and that there was a hospital close by. So he turned to the driver and told him in Marathi to get him till a hospital. I kept thinking maybe I should offer to go with the old man but then another million thought came into my head -
where would the money come from right away if he needed to be admitted (I didn't have enough cash on me nor are my parents in the city)?
which hospital would he have to be taken to?
would there be some amount he would be able to claim for his treatment?
would he have to file a police complaint?
would he have to take out scans since he hit his head?
How would I manage any running around if I had to?
and lots of other questions.
So all I did was turn to the driver (who at least looked stricken - by what I am not sure) and asked if they would see that the man got to a hospital, and the driver said yes they would. I walked away toward the station feeling like hell.
All I could do in the train was feel stricken too - sick to the core that I just walked away. The old man was alone. He definitely could have used some help even if he didn't explicitly need it.
I also couldn't help but think that if we don't help strangers out in their time of need, how can we expect strangers to help us when we need help and no one we know is around.
The worse part of all of this is, that if the same thing happened tomorrow, I think I would walk off again. I would still feel like shit but I wouldn't act.
I hate being a coward and I hate the guilt I feel.
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